


Help

by SpaceCrazyArtist



Series: Tricks and Portals [10]
Category: Doctor Strange (2016), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Cutting, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized racism, Jotunn Loki (Marvel), M/M, Mentions of Past Torture, Pain, Panic Attacks, Using Pain to Feel, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-06
Updated: 2021-01-06
Packaged: 2021-03-16 17:22:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28585674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpaceCrazyArtist/pseuds/SpaceCrazyArtist
Summary: A spell causes Loki to lose all his magic, including his shapeshifting ability. Reverted to his Jötunn form, Loki refuses to leave his room no matter what Thor tries. Eventually, Stephen is able to help.
Relationships: Loki/Stephen Strange
Series: Tricks and Portals [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1956622
Comments: 10
Kudos: 86
Collections: Froststrange Week 2021





	Help

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for the angst! But we knew it had to happen eventually! Next chapter I promise smut... sexy Jotun smut 😉

“Don’t come in!” Loki yelled through the half open door. How could he have been so stupid? He knew better! He knew better than to fight one of Midgard’s idiots with magic that Strange had to deal with on a regular basis. But did he listen to himself? No! He jumped right on into the fight and subsequently into a spell that crackled with the ugliest shade of puce before disappearing into the unknown.

Nothing had happened and Loki assumed, stupidly, his own power had deflected. The fight was quickly won by him and Strange, the bad guy apprehended and turned over to SHIELD, leaving him and Stephen to finish a lovely evening naked and entwined.

A very lovely evening.

And now, 24 hours later on the dot, Loki’s magic drained out of him. It was like a balloon popped and poof, all gone. Not having magic was bad enough, but with his magic went his ability to shapeshift even though that power was inherent and didn’t rely on his seidr, leaving him in his born form. Blue and ugly. A monster.

The mirror shattered, the sound satisfying for all of ten seconds before Loki curled in on himself, huddled against the floor. The door burst open to crash and against the inner wall leaving a large hole in the drywall. Loki didn’t even have a presence of mind to chastise his oaf of a brother for destroying their home. He only curled tighter, pressing his forehead to the floor and swallowed the sob that was threatening to release.

The room was silent, but surprisingly gentle hands settled on Loki’s arms. He wanted to thrash and pull away, to call Thor names and hit him. Instead, his body shuddered and the sob finally broke. “Loki,” Thor breathed, no pity in his voice, or disgust. There was only worry as a large tender hand rubbed his back. 

In a move Loki hadn’t made since his youth, he turned and pressed his face to Thor’s massive chest. His arms went around the waist to clutch at the back of Thor’s jumper. Arms wrapped around him, pulling him in even closer as he shook in Thor’s arms. “I can’t change back,” he sobbed pitifully.

Later, Loki knew he’d be mortified by his behavior; he hadn't cried since he was a child. He hadn’t cried when he realised he would never earn Odin’s love, he hadn’t cried when he knew there was no point in living, he hadn’t cried when in the clutches of the Mad Titan trying to break him, or when his mother died or even when he thought all was lost and he and Thor would die together on a stupid stolen ship on its way to Midgard. But there he was, curled against Thor’s chest crying like mere babe over a broken toy.

“It’s okay, Loki,” Thor whispered. “We’ll figure it out. Do you want me to call your wizard?”

“NO!” Loki shouted, pulling back in horror. That was the last thing he wanted, for Stephen to see the monster he truly was. No. He would stay in New Asgard away from all people until he was able to regain his magic.

Thor, for once, was silent, watching Loki intently but he didn't look disgusted- or like he pitied Loki. If he had, the king would have found a dagger in the gut, but as it were he only watched. “Your wizard would understand, Brother,” he insisted, “he will still love you.” His voice was surprisingly gentle.

Loki still wanted to stab him and his eyes narrowed. Thor held up his hands in surrender. “Peace, Brother.” He didn’t move from his slump on the floor but he held a hand out. “I am only trying to help.” Loki sneered. “You look like you need help; what can I do?”

There was no help. There was nothing. Loki’s magic was gone and with it, his ability to hide from the monster he was. Thor gently slid his hand against Loki’s ankle until his leg was extended. The pant leg was ripped from when he’d crouched in the broken glass and blood, white, or light blue stained the fabric. Thor held a cloth, Loki had no idea from where, and dabbed at the blood. He bent lower, inspecting the cut and pulled out a small piece of glass before dabbing again. 

Strange, the pain actually felt good, and Loki watched whilst Thor cleaned and bandaged his leg then inspected the other. Once finished he took Loki’s hands and gently pulled out the small bits of glass embedded. Loki watched in morbid fascination as blood ran down his wrist to splash against the floor. Vaguely he could hear Thor speaking but didn't pay attention, too caught up in the dots of blue-white blood on the floor.

“Loki!” Thor yelled and Loki’s eyes snapped to Thor’s. “You need to see a healer about these.”

“Not whilst I am Jotunn.”

“Loki-“

“NO!” Loki shouted. “I am a monster. I shan't have people see me as such.” Thor looked as if he would argue but nodded instead and left Loki in peace.

For six days Loki stayed in his room, and for six days Thor left food outside, but valently tried to get Loki to a healer. Loki refused each time, stating he would not have people see him as a monster. Thor tried to insist Loki was no monster no matter his colour but Loki knew better. He could see the blue skin and red eyes of the monsters in his childhood story books. He knew what he was, what the people of Asgard would call him. He was finally at a place he felt he belonged he would not jeopardize it.

“Go away, Thor,” Loki called for the millionth time. He was staring at the slice in his hand that was almost healed but not quite. When he pressed on it there was a flash of pain he couldn’t stop craving. It grounded him, reminded him he was still alive. He hissed as he pressed too deeply, his nail slicing open the mark until blood pooled under his hand.

The colour was riveting, and Loki was so engrossed in watching it slide across his hand he hadn’t heard the door open, or Thor’s startled gasp. “Loki!” Thor called, crossing the room in three strides to kneel by bed. He pulled Loki’s hand to him and pressed his thumb to the mark, staunching the flow of blood. There was nothing to wrap it with, or bad it with so he removed his shirt, tearing off a sleeve to wrap Loki’s hand. “Enough of this, Brother!” Thor commanded. Loki, unimpressed, raised an eyebrow. “You will leave your room, you will see a healer, and you will do it now so help me.”

“Help you?” Loki purred, then sneered when Thor took hold of his upper arm. “Let. Go.” Thor tightened his grip and seconds later found a dagger in his gut and Loki across the room. “Get out or the next one goes in your eye.” Thor took a step forward, eye narrowed and whitening out with power but Loki stood his ground. No longer would be pushed around. 

The brothers glared at one another. In the distance thunder rolled across the cliffs and shook the ground with its ferocity. So far Thor hadn’t called Stormbreaker to him but it was only a matter of time. Thor always got what he wanted, one way or another. “Loki,” he growled menacingly. Loki grabbed the dagger he hid beneath his pillow.

The sound of the rain and angry sea spray broke the tension when the door opened and closed quickly. “Loki?” Called a voice that Loki was dreading to hear. He closed his eyes and shook his head willing his magic to return so he could escape. 

When he opened his eyes Thor looked pleased. The smug bastard. He grinned and turned, walking out the door but leaving it open. “He’s up here, Strange,” Thor called out. Loki wanted to stab him again. 

The two men muttered pleasantries as they passed and then Stephen was looking around the corner into the room. His eyes widened when they fell on Loki who hadn’t dared to move, he barely dared to breathe. The stupid ruined shirtsleeve kept him from sinking his nails into his palm but he tried anyway. “Loki,” Stephen whispered. It wasn’t a question, he knew it was Loki, and for that, the prince loved him just a little bit more. “Your Jotunn form? Are you alright?”

Reality was too much, Loki wanted to sink into an illusion and disappear. He couldn’t handle the truth, he couldn’t handle Stephen leaving him because he was a monster. His breathing shortened until he could only take short gasping breaths as the room closed in around him. Faster than a middle aged human man had any business moving, Stephen was across the room and cupping Loki’s cheek. He jerked back then hit the wall with a dull thud. There was nowhere to go, Stephen was there and there was nowhere to escape. Spots danced in front of his eyes as he tried to draw in air that wasn’t cooperating.

Strong arms turned him and pulled him back against a firm chest. A low voice registered, pushing its way through the fog in his brain until he could hear the words. “Breathe with me,” the voice whispered and Loki’s body struggled to obey. “In, one two three, out one two three. Good.” 

The praise made him want to preen, but there was a reason he was trying to get away he just couldn’t remember. The voice kept whispering and Loki’s brain fog dissipated. “Stephen?” He whispered, afraid to speak too loudly.

“You’re having a panic attack,” Stephen explained gently. He brushed the hair from Loki’s face, his thumb tracing a heritage line briefly before settling the hand on Loki’s arm and rubbing. “Just keep breathing. Your body should regulate it’s breathing to match mine.” 

They were quiet for a while, sitting on the floor of Loki’s bedroom. Outside the storm had quieted, no longer fueled by Thor’s mood. Loki could hear night creatures and vaguely wondered when it had become night. Wasn’t it morning not long ago? He couldn’t remember; it didn’t matter. Stephen was warm, and comfortable and he smelled like old books and winter snow. Loki turned and curled against him, letting his face press to Stephen’s neck. “Was it the spell?”

“Mmm,” Loki murmured.

Shaky hands carded through his hair, it felt nice. Loki’s eyes slipped closed. He wasn’t sure how Stephen wasn’t cold, or even being burnt. The Jotinar were cold, frigid and when they’d been fighting on Jotunheim Volstagg mentioned frostbite. “I’m taking you home,” Stephen insisted, but Loki was too tired to argue.

Vaguely Loki registered getting up and walking through the portal. He sank down onto Stephen’s plush bed with too many pillows and curled up with a sigh. “I can’t change back,” he whispered.

“I know.”

“My magic is gone,” he whispered again. Stephen bent and pressed a kiss to Loki’s temple. The lips felt scorching against his skin. “Aren’t I cold?”

“Yes,” Strange agreed, “but it won't keep me from touching you.” He traced a heritage line with his fingers and Loki held his breath. “Do they got all the way down?”

“All the way.”

There was hesitation in Stephen’s eyes and for a moment Loki was afraid he would be denied. He was a monster after all, ugly and frightening. But then Stephen asked, “can I see?”

Loki’s eyes widened. “I’m a monster, why would you want to see?” He sat up, suddenly feeling too vulnerable laying on the bed.

“You’re a different colour but I see no monster.” Loki opened his mouth to protest only to find his mouth covered by another. Stephen’s kiss was hot in a way Loki had never felt and he surged forward wanting more. His tongue licked demandingly against Stephen’s teeth, against his tongue and staked its claim. Loki crawled forward to straddle his lover’s lap and pull Stephen even closer, to get the kiss even deeper. Stephen moaned. 

Callused and scarred hands framed Loki’s face and the kiss slowed until Stephen could pull away. He smiled and kept his hands on Loki as he slowly divested the Jotun of his clothing. The thin tunic was discarded first and Stephen looked his fill. Loki flushed, the colour a soft purple against the blue of Loki’s chest. “Beautiful,” he whispered. He bent, tracing a heritage line with his tongue and Loki moaned.

They lay on their sides so Stephen could continue to trace the lines. He seemed to have a kink forming already and Loki smiled. “You believe that.”

“Yes,” was answered quickly. “We’ll figure out your magic, Loki.” He ran his hand down Loki’s chest, circling a nipple with his finger but didn’t take things further. Loki was glad, he wouldn’t deny his lover but he was tired from a week of pain. “And then we can slowly work on you being comfortable with all you are.”

Loki wrinkled his nose. “I’m not a project.”

“No,” Stephen agreed, “But you are the person I love and I want you to love you too.” The words took a moment for Loki to translate in his head but when he did he smiled and snuggled into his lover. His lover who did not think him a monster and who loved him.

“Thank you,” Loki whispered.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote and posted this on mobile so please excuse weird spellings. I will edit when I get to a computer, but if you find something glaring, please feel free to point it out.
> 
> Not sure how to comment? Try an emoji reaction!
> 
> ❤️ = I couldn’t stop reading  
> 💯 = great story!  
> 🥳 = I love this  
> 🤩 = This is a great universe, I can't wait to read more


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